I have spent the last week doing art, so although I wish I could say I will constantly be posting artwork, I am just catching up on a well overdue postings of art I've done, that is kinda of the basis for this blog.
These two pieces are titled, recovery boards. While I was on my art kick, I ran out of canvas, but that didn't stop me, and I turned some old shipping box's into my canvas for these two pieces. Along with reusing box's, I dug deep into my old files of unhealthy collages I made while I was deep in my eating disorder, and also a couple I found that I did while in treatment. It's funny how when you change the wording or sequence of words, they can take on a whole new meaning. These two boards are a perfect example, ordered differently some of these words and cut outs meant something totally different.
This first board is about the beginning of my journey. Titled "Recovery board", appropriately titled, it was kinda of the frame of mind, questioning and hesitant of recovery I was in. In the right hand corner, is a pair of child toy keys, kind of signifying the beginning, and work to be done. There really is no master key to recovery, it's completely individual. "I asked how to find the light"...."What I know for sure"..."with enough hope and help-you-can-finally-start-to-take-control-of-your life"....(now like a lot of art I do, a certain phrase can be applied to more than one line or meaning, the same is true here)...."What I know for sure"..."YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL"..."you are drop dead gorgeous"...."I feel beautiful and body confident"...(which accompanies the photo of the girl with a fist held high in triumph)..."There-is-struggle-and-it-can-be-rough-on-the-road-to-recovery"...."Take the lead"..."Goodbye ED"..."Feel the love". This piece means a lot to me, because I know I questioned if and how I would ever be in recovery. If I would be able to say goodbye to my eating disorder, and if I would be able to get over the rough patches and ever get control over my life again. At the top there is one thing that also can be read in congruence with "what I know for sure" and that I needed to "stop starving", both my body and mind to begin to free myself from ED.
This second board, was also done with the same material as the one above it. This is also one of the first pieces I actually used photos of myself. I had previously not been able to come to terms enough, to add an actual photo of me to a piece of art regarding my eating disorder. So this one has even more meaning and sentimental value. It took me a looonngggg time to be able to say "I AM WORTH RECOVERY", it still seems surreal, but the more I say it, the more real it becomes. This board has two lines of meaning, go figure. First is a sequence of words about what I was able to appreciate and actual do when I began to believe I was worthy of recovery. "Travel-Dream-Feel-Live-Share-Smile-Run-(books-read)-Give Back!"...(now the one phrase that really is one I need to constantly remind myself, because I can move across the country, change schools, majors, apartments, ext. Will always be true)..."Whenever-Wherever-I-Will-Always-Be-Me"...(and the part I still struggle with the most)..."&-that-is-Beautiful". Life is an adventure, no matter what you do or what your faced with. There will always be obstacles, it's what you do that makes all the difference. I tried to run away from myself and problems, I tried to reinvent myself, become someone new. While it never worked, I definitely learned a thing or two. The two photos of myself I included, are two that really make me smile. I wasn't in the best place in terms of recovery when they were taken, but in so many ways became a reason to recover. Nature, hiking, traveling, yoga. All things that were great but in recovery they are absolutely amazing. And that is beautiful and only a short list of all the things I have to look forward to in recovery.
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