So I have kind of made it official. That I am going to commit to keeping this blog up and going, and continue posting. I don't want this to be a project started and never finished. I know it's going to be hard, because I still have days when I just don't want to do anything, or I find some excuse why I'm to busy. Most of the time, it's an excuse and not the truth. For all the years I have kept my eating disorder a secret and thought I could fight it alone, I can't make up for lost time, but I can learn from my mistakes and not try to do it that way again. It didn't work. By not letting others in, I let my eating disorder continue to live and control me, even if it was only a small thing. It always became the root of bigger problems. If I have sent you invite to follow me and read my blog, thanks for reading. If you came across my blog for any reason, thank you for reading.
In the months to come, I hope to share my struggles, achievements, tears, laughs, thoughts, ext. Also this will be my way to share my art, and it's meaning. I hope that by not letting this go unattended for any length of time, that I can paint a picture of what living with an eating disorder was like, is like and what those still struggling have to look forward to on the road to recovery. I don't intend to get to graphic, share numbers, or specifics. I want it to be a positive place, but also honest. So I know there will be days where my writing might be a little dark, or upsetting. It comes with the territory. But I promise to be honest and genuine. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. Feel free to leave any comments. What did you think about any given piece? What did it bring up for you? or mean to you? Is there anything else you would like to hear about or have me share?
I am not a therapist, I don't ever plan on becoming one. But I have been in therapy, and I have lived. I doubt there is anything that could surprise or even scare me these days. So I would be happy to answer any questions and offer any support I can, but leave the real work to be done with a professional.
For those that don't know me, I have struggled with an eating disorder for almost 13 years. It has showed it's nasty face in the form of anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS, you name it. I have been to treatment a decent amount of times, and I have been in recovery for different lengths of time. I have made friends and lost friends to this disease, and I know how devastating it can be to see someone struggle or struggle yourself. Recovery isn't something that happens overnight, sometimes I really wish that was the case. For me it's been years of working on the core of why I do what I do. Of finally letting go of everything, not "everything, and keeping just this one little piece", let me tell you from my own personal experience, that does not work. I needed to finally fully let go, and let others in. I couldn't do it alone no matter how much I thought I could at times. I have moved across the country, I have switched schools, I have changed majors. In the end I was still me and had to deal with the root of the problem before I was able to do anything to it's fullest. I am still not 100%, I may never be. But I have lived long enough letting my life be dictated by ED's lies to let it be part of me any longer. So now that I've said that, I hope that answers a few questions some may have about who I am and where I'm coming from. In the coming months I hope to share even more with you, and let you get to know me, as I am doing the same. Getting to know me and who I am. Shaping my future, and moving further and further away from a life with my ED, each day.
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